Every bar has regulars as we have established throughout the various posts of this blog. And for these customers, we know their drink order, their name and an approximation of how old they are (as well as how many kids they have, what their favorite color is and if they have a slight case of diarrhea that day). Being a regular, seeing that you tip suitably, gives you a few advantages: 1) I will listen to your ridiculous life stories regardless of how inappropriate they are 2) You may get a free drink here and there 3) I do not need to card you (because if I look at your license one more time it will become habit to use your address instead of my own).
For those of you who come into a new bar, have your id ready for me to check. Okay, so you may have a long beard that makes you look like Paul Bunyan, am I going to check your ID? YES! Fact: people under 21 can grow beard too! Okay, so you may have a few grey hairs mixed in with your natural hair color, am I going to check your ID? YES, people under 21 can have a few greys in the mix too! Okay, so you have a shirt on that says “#1 Dad” on it, am I going to check your ID? YES, you can buy these t-shirts in any K-Mart, Wal-Mart and Walgreens, and it's not uncommon that young people become parents now-a-days.
Do not get snippy with me when I ask for you ID. IT IS PART OF MY JOB TO MAKE SURE YOU ARE 21 BEFORE I SERVE YOU AN ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGE! Do you get mad at the person at McDonald’s when she tries to super-size your meal? Do you get mad when the lady at the dry cleaners asks if you would like your shirts pressed as well as cleaned? Do you get mad when the cashier at Giant Eagle asks you for your Advantage Card? If you have answered yes to any of these, you have serious issues.
And if I see you staring at your id for 5 minutes before I come up to get you a drink, you can be sure I’m going to be checking your ID out hardcore and I am, in fact, going to question you. I am going to question you like Barbara Walters did for 25 years on 20-20. So be prepared to know your address, your middle name, your sign, who was President when you were born, and what you ate for the previous meal because you look so nervous that you might throw up on my bar. (Haha just kidding about the last one... Or am I?)
If you are older than 21, take it as a compliment that I carded you. For the most part, I think that you are younger than what you actually may be. There are other cases where I'd ask for ID. If a younger guy walks in with a significantly older woman (and vice versa) I will card the older woman, but it is only because I do not want to make you feel stupid. Your 20 lbs. of make-up may make you look 49 instead of 50, but not 21. Your Apple Bottom jeans may make you feel 20 years younger, but the fact that you pull them up to your belly button and your boobs hang lower than the top of your jeans proves otherwise. I am only looking out for you and I applaud your efforts, Cougar.
Most bartenders have tried to drink underage at one point in their lives. We know the ins and outs of trying to get served underage because we have gone through the steps ourselves. We know what you are trying to do and while we smile as we politely tell you, “No, you cannot have a drink”, we are laughing and thinking “What an effing moron!”
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