Know What You Drink

When patrons come in the bar, I can typically make 90% of what they ask me to.  IC Light bottle, easy.  Rum and coke, easy.  Long  island iced tea, piece of cake.  It's the 10% that love to make my life a sober nightmare.

First of all, why people want to do shots entitled duck fart or bloody brain, but whatever.  If pseudo cannibalism and ingesting faux bodily functions are your thing, I don't judge.  But, if you come into the bar and ask for some shot that has a name longer than if Elizabeth Taylor hyphenated her name after every marriage (Elizabeth Hilton-Wilding-Todd-Fisher-Burton-Burton-Warner-Fortensky) and you have no idea what is in it, I hope you enjoy surprises.

You want a Rocky Mountain Purple Nurple Lion Monster with a twist?

Ohhh, so exotic.  You read about that online and it's supposed to be the new up and coming shot rivaling jager bombs.  But you have no idea what goes in it.  You're not even sure that is the name, but obviously all bartenders have every recipe memorized.

You order this shot and tell the bartender that you have no clue what is in it, and the mixologist gives you this "What in the heck are you talking about?!" look; it's like you threw words in a hat, pulled them out, and decided that was your shot name.

via isabelt.com

The bartender goes to work and slides the shot down to you.  Hmmm, there are things floating in it.  Wait, must be Goldschlager with all the gold flakes in it.  MMMMMM.  You can practically taste the cinnamon.

You're playing Russian Roulette with the hootch.

Enjoy the twist.

Let me tell you what you will probably end up getting if your bartender has no patience for fad drinks: Either a New Jersey Turnpike or a Pennsylvania Turnpike (which is what I have heard them both referred to, although no official recipe exists online for this).

SIDE NOTE:  You should be alarmed right now because this is what we are now familiar with New Jersey producing:

Now you're intrigued.  What is in this mystery shot?  You remember mystery meat from your middle school cafeteria lunches?  Mystery meat, meet mystery shot.

I take a metal shaker and fill it with ice...  Then I either take all the bar mats and empty the liquids they've been collecting all night or wring out my bar rag into that shaker.  And then I shake.  (Obviously this needs to be shaken, not stirred.  Gotta stay classy.)

Mmmm, mmmmm, good.

Why in the heck would you ever order something without knowing the slightest thing about it?  Do you go to a car dealership and say, "Give me a car good man!  I don't need to know anything about it, just that it is a car!"  Seriously?  Either you are too trusting, or you're one of those people who ponder whether tuna is fish or chicken (because the packaging says Chicken of the Sea).

More than just the ordering, but alcohol is a state-of-mind changer.  You'll drink anything?  I hope you like Roofie Martinis my friend because you are opening yourself up to some perv who has no conscience, let alone an annoyed bartender.

Moral of the story?  Know your drinking stuff, otherwise be prepared to pay the toll.