Tobacco, Gum, and Boogers! Oh My!

Ah, finally ushered a few drinkers out.  As a bartender, I know the cleaner the bar, the more likely you are to fill the open spots.  I take the beer/cocktail glasses to the sink, take dishes to be washed, then start clearing away the throw-away stuff...  And as I reach for your napkin, my hand instantly regrets not flipping you the bird before you departed.

"Haha, yeah, I hawked a loogie," said the Mailman from Ohio (and I had complete permission to quote him).

Have you ever heard the term, "...and a cherry on top"?  That cherry is what makes the experience complete.  To ensure a shift will be demanding (to get through without alcohol), leave your tobacco chew, chewed gum, and snot rags behind for us to clean up.

As if dealing with wack-a-doos on a daily basis wasn't enough, you leave us bodily fluids that you have expelled from your body...  As if touching boogers should be a normal part to my workday.

You can't just say, "What?  It's not like you can get my cooties" or "Everyone does it, so it's not that gross."  Well, if this were an Everybody Poops book, that would make sense.  But this situation would be Everybody Poops on My Kitchen Table.

I'll flip it on you:  After a dinner party, you are cleaning up.  You stumble upon something on the floor.  You pick it up and throw it away.  Then a cold realization sets in when you know what it was, and you feel like vomiting.  What was it?  A used tampon (and yeah, I realize, this is gross).  But, I bet you're thinking the culprit is more than a Cootie Queen.

And my response to the bar culprits is more than, "Pickle you, kumquat."

I'm going to tell you about a newfangled invention that bars have, that are really great for things like this.  They are typically round, sometimes ovule, maybe 2-3 ft. high, and are hollow.  They are called garbage cans.  And they are found throughout the bar.

Anything you are pulling out, spitting out, blowing out, etc. from your body, feel free to dispose of it yourself.  Otherwise, being called a "lint licker" will easily be the best moniker you'll be dubbed.