Sometimes I Scratch My Head and Say, Huh?!

There are some odd pairs in the world that have seemed to work (and I still don't know how), but they are staples of American culture.  For example, Laverne and Shirley's Pespi and milk, Beauty and the Beast, and chicken and waffles.  Why?  I have no clue. It's the weirdness that makes it memorable enough to start a trend.

But there are somethings I don't understand when it comes to food and drink.  Since I am a Pittsburgher, the food most associated with this area is probably a Primanti Bros. sandwich.  The sammy is piled high with an unmatchable high caloric intake of such deliciousness your heart doctor will be writing thank you notes to the company for decades for business continuation.

So lets look at something that leaves me puzzled:




What about a sandwich that was originally wrapped in newspaper makes you want to class it up?  What pairs great with pastrami and coleslaw?  Obviously a nice red wine.  It complements the french fry grease component.  Especially if you've been drinking your wine through the eating process.  Because nothing says class like a wine glass with an inch thick film of food fingerprints and particles.

Would you ever go to a McDonald's and ask for a sparkling water?  (I'd go on a limb and say even the Hollywood McDonald's doesn't upgrade like that.)  What about asking a gas station what sushi is their freshest?  (Even if a gas station does have sushi, I'm going to strongly advise against it...  And I'm sure your colon will thank me tomorrow.)  Would you go to Olive Garden and ask for chop sticks?  (Even if they have them, which this is the craziest OG in the world, and I wonder what the "chicken" might actually be.)

One of the most puzzling proponents of the odd match is Hooters.  They offer Dom Perignon with an accompanyment, totaling $199.99.  What is the accompaniment?  A bucket of wings.  Champagne and wings.  Because a bucket of fried chicken parts definitely makes me want to pop open a bottle of the bubbly.  Cheers, Hooters!  Let's celebrate terrible pairings together!

Places like Primanti's are all over the globe, so this rule extends beyond the realms of Primanti's.  Because a place that has offers you paper plates and plastic silverware never screams, "Cabernet Sauvignon!" just have a damn beer; in Pittsburgh, make it an Iron City.

I think vendors in Philly and New York would probably have more colorful language than, "Jag-off," if you asked for a Philly Cheese  Steak or a hot dog with a truffle sauce.

Asking for things like a Godiva chocolate drop martini will likely get you a drop kick to the noodle.

If you put lipstick on a pig, it's still a pig.  You can only class up so many things.  Your attitude and demeanor in a bar can be some of those things, but don't worry about your food being included.