No, I Don't Have a Daddy Complex

After a few beers you're feeling good.  You looked in the mirror today, you're t-shirt is clean and you almost match.  Who can deny you look good in your Wrangler blue jeans and Clarks running shoes?  Confidence booster.  The bartender has been giving you good service.  Although she is a little younger than you, she would be lucky to have a stable guy like you in her life,.  You have a steady job, you aren't homeless, and you're retirement fund is looking real niiiiice.  You deserve some arm candy; ask her out.

There is one problem with your plan...  She already has a guy like you in her life.  He can change her breaks, has lived with her for a while, and even supported her monetarily.  He's so perfect, you might want to ask him to be your sugar daddy.

Who is he?  IT'S HER DAD, and since she already has one, you should stop campaigning to give her another one.

If you ask me out, offer to take me on vacation, or buy me a car, I am almost too afraid to give you the wrong answer because I fear that I'll get sent to my room to my time out chair, probably with no dinner, just for punishment.

When someone boasts the question, "Who's your daddy?" no one should ever be confused.

Donald Trump and Anna Nicole Smith made this concept so possible, that geezers everywhere think they have a chance with women half their age (or more).

You see gray hair and see experience.  We see dad.  You see thinning hair and think a comb over will cover it.  We see grandpa mixed with denial.

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Yes, Donald Trump married a model...  But with his money, he can afford to have a wind tunnel as a stylist and someone will find him sexy.

And we all still kinda think The Donald is in denial...  Even the comb over (and around, down, and up again) isn't fooling anyone.

I hate to be the one to tell you this, but it seems someone has to:

• We don't need shared AARP discounts
• Telling us we'd fit right in to your family because you have kids our age is just weird on so many levels

Just do us all a favor, if we're available, set us up with your single son.  Problem solved.


SIDE NOTE:  If you're measuring the age difference by decades, or you are double her age, she could be your daughter...  And that just isn't right.