Bar Ears

You had a crazy weekend.  Filled with drinking, people, and some fuzzy details that you can't wait to divulge to your closest friend.  You make your plans: meet at a bar, drink, and maybe eat in between revealing your juicy weekend excursion.

Pinky promises, blood vows, promising of one's first born, etc. if details are repeated are exchanged and then you start spilling your guts because no one is listening.  Your secrets are safe.

Wrong.  Your bartender is always listening.  It's called "bar ears".  And we hear EVERYTHING.

The reason?  Any bartender is taught to be tentative in order to get bigger tips.  Which is why you get drinks in a timely manner, get your check quickly, or get your food order in ASAP.  We aren't eavesdropping on your convo, but although we'd like to have selective hearing, we can't flip the switch to that setting.  It would be like telling a genius to choose to selectively be smart, or a comedian to selectively be funny.  With those restrictions, you're paying for mediocrity. Who does that?

Moreover, let's look at the situation:  people talking about secrets + in public + alcohol = you might as well have posted it on Facebook.

I liken this to wearing earbuds/headphones and listening music loudly, then trying to talk to someone in the same room.  It often ends in Earbuds screaming the conversation.  That is EXACTLY what happens after a few drinks.  You get Alcohol Induced Headphones; your outside voice is now your inside voice, and it just keeps getting louder after every shot of tequila.

I know you are thinking, what could a bartender actually hear?  Couples discuss intimacy, friends talk about hook-ups, people talk smack, patrons describe criminal acts, couples cheating, and this is the proverbial tip of the iceberg (minus the juicy details).

I'm not complaining.  Bartending wouldn't be fun if there wasn't entertainment.  And that's exactly what people provide when alcohol becomes part of the equation.

However, if you want to avoid the public alcohol megaphone effect, grab your favorite bottle or case, and invite your BFF over.  Otherwise, be assured that your secret will be safe between you, your pal, bottle of Jack, and your bartender; and while the first three might not be talking, sometimes what we hear is just too good not to repeat.