D-Bag Alert!

Single men and women (and sometimes not so single people) are always looking to find a mate at a bar.  (Which is typically a terrible decision, but that's a post for another day.)  It often baffles me when women's radars are tuned to the biggest idiot in the place even if they are amassed in nice guys. The biggest kicker is when they get hurt, dumped, cheated on, or just treated terribly and cry, "I don't know what happened.  I can't believe he did this to me!"

Well, get with it sister, because most of us saw it coming, and all you had to do was ask your bartender.

I'm gonna test you.  These three guys are at the bar with you.  Which one is the d-bag?

via Flickr



via UM News



via pointincase.com

If you didn't guess all three then you were wrong.  Why?  Because it's all about the shtick.

The shtick can be anything that stands out in a crowd; loud clothing to scream attention, sunglasses indoors (and usually at night) because it creates "mystery", the sad guy because it makes people want to talk to him and console him, the muscle shirt to show off his biceps (even though it might be 40 degrees outside), etc. 

Personally, my favorite is the sunglasses man.  I have to fight the urge to sing, "I wear my sunglasses at night... So I can, so I can..."

Speaking of which, Corey Hart, original d-bag.




It's amazing that girls can't see past the rouse sometimes.  What about this gentleman's TapOut t-shirt intrigues you?  That maybe he'll teach you some MMA moves?  Sorry to burst your bubble but he's probably nothing more than a jacked up Daniel-San.

Bartenders have seen every type of distraction in d-baggery known to man:  I have tons of money = My parents still give me an allowance; I have a really nice house = I live in my parent's basement; I like wearing blazers because I'm a refined man = I will be outside your bedroom window later watching you sleep, but it's okay because I'll do it Corey Hart style with my sunglasses on.

If these degenerates were any more obvious they would come with their own neon signs announcing it.  (And I think the men's neon orange Jersey Shore glow technically counts as such.)

What have we learned today?  D-Bags are everywhere.  Beware.