Bumpin' Uglies in the Bathroom

When you love someone, it's inevitable that when alcohol is involved, you tend to show it more; extra kisses, extra hugs, excessive amounts of I love yous.  And why shouldn't you?  Showing those you love is never a bad thing.  So what?  You're in public, as if people haven't seen a few extra smooches before...  And footsies...  And leg touches...  And your tongue in someone's ear...

Do you see where I'm going with this?

I understand that alcohol takes inhibitions away, which could be an excuse for why some people go to bars for picking up "dates", but I don't think I will ever understand the escalation to bumping uglies in the bathroom.

Recently I caught a couple trying to sneak into the men's restroom together.  Because nothing screams, "Do me!" like urinals and pee-pee soaked floors.  Next time choose ask the bartender where the bar's dumpster is because you want a cleaner place to play hide the salami.  At least the couple that tried this two weeks before chose the women's room.  Women actually care about aim.  Sometimes I think men try to make a urine mural in a bathroom, and just because you can't see it isn't there.  And there isn't a sanitizer in a bar that gets out the "just peed on" smell you just perfumed your clothes with.

When you drink with the opposite sex, the alcohol produces a Booze Haze that makes you less aware of your surroundings (much like the Alcohol Induced Headphone Syndrome I referred to in "Bar Ears"), i.e.: people who are watching you doing some heavy petting on the bar stool.

You don't have superhero powers that make you invisible.  But, if you think you are super sneaky, think of yourself as Wonder Woman in her invisible jet.  IT'S INVISIBLE, just like the barriers you think are up at the bar.  You can see Wonder Woman, right?  Well, we can see you, too, Mr. and Ms. Crotch Rubbers.

Even paid escorts have enough sense to find hourly rate places that are close.  So take a page from their book and scout the Motel 6s nearby, your bartender will be grateful that customers without public nudity charges patronize the bar.