Guest Post: Hans Fluffernutter

There is currently a drinking commercial that annoys me to no end: 

I'm calling you out DiSaronno.

DiSoronno on the rocks with cranberry, or whatever terrible mixer, is no longer DiSaronno on the rocks, it's your crappy liquor with cranberry!  Amateurs.  IT IS NOT A DRINK ON THE ROCKS IF YOU MIX SOMETHING ELSE WITH IT!


It would be like pouring a can of Miller Lite in a cup and calling it draft beer.  It's a can of Miller Lite poured into a cup.


This blog is about booze and whatnot so I should talk about it.

Note to bartenders - when the place is empty, you act like an idiot and take forever to serve someone, there's a good chance it'll affect your tip.  Not getting tipped at all might be an extreme, but it should be noted.  (Meant for a specific bar in the Burgh, you know who you are.)

Note to patrons - if you like a lot of booze and want extra, just get your drink neat or on the rocks (but not DiSaronno because they obviously don't know about drinking either); don't order a mixed drink and then complain about it being weak.  Also, just order something normal.  Nothing is worse than someone dragging out the bartenders time for some fancy drink.  I just want my booze.

Guys, never buy a girl a drink in a bar if you just met her.  She is just flirting for a free drink.  This is a fact.  If a girl is truly interested, she will buy you a drink.  (I always buy my own drinks.)

Hold off breaking the seal as long as you can.  Those lines for the bathroom can be murder.  But, as much as Billy Madison might have said, "Peeing your pants is cool!", it's really not, so make sure you go before that happens.

Things you should never talk about at a bar: politics, religion, and Boston (because if someone is there from Boston, they are annoying as can be and you'll never hear the end of it).

Don't be mad if you get cut off at a bar.  It's not the bartenders job to babysit you.  It's not amateur hour.  Act like you've been there before.

Any type of whiskey with a meal is a bad idea.  The whiskey kills the flavor of the food on your palate.  Drink beer.  Drink anything else.  As long as it's not DiSaronno.

When at a bar, please do not play death metal.  There's nothing less enjoyable with alcohol than "Kill your mom!  Kill yourself!  Kill your fish!" music.  (Again, you know what bar your are!)


What have we learned today?  Don't be an idiot when you drink.

Keep on drinkin.