So, a man walks into a bar, and says, "Bartender, I'll have a beer." Then reaches into his pocket pulls out tons of miscellaneous items. Counts out all of his loose change and says, "I have $2.41 and some m&ms. What kind of beer can I get for that?" (True story.)There are certain things that happen every bartending shift, that no matter how weird your day is, they are guaranteed to happen: customers come in, they receive their goods, they cash out, and then leave. Literally the ABCs to a bartending shift.
When you bartend, you can usually pick out the people who drink socially, are looking to get sauced, and those who are jonesing for alcohol so bad they would probably suck an alcohol swab dry.
Sometimes I run across Mr. Swab Sucker that must thinks he found a DeLorean and traveled back to the Old West, where the bartering system is still in use.
Not that some things aren't worth bartering for, such as swapping a monetary tip for Steelers tickets, but when your payment offerings are m&ms that are so scuzzy that the red ones have turned pink, I would start to think you are sniffing glue with your alcohol swab dinner.
I can't trade cows and chickens for moonshine. And this isn't 1864.
Can you imagine if I tendered m&ms for payment? That would mean I could pay my bills in Twizzlers and Skittles, and maybe buy a house worth 1,000 previously chewed gum wads.
Let me be frank for a moment... If you are paying in nickels and dimes to begin with, give your couch a shake down and you can probably come up with enough for a bottle of Vlady from the liquor store. As much as I'd like to entertain bartering as a classic American game, Monopoly money isn't real money, and neither are m&ms.
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